Warning: This, by far, is going to be the most controversial episode of the season. Those final few moments are going to haunt both book and show fans for years to come. But, I’ll say more about that later because a lot of other things happen this episode! Arya levels up, Tyrion gets into another predicament, the siege of Dorne begins, Cersei makes her move against the Tyrells, and Sansa has a wedding. Oh, Game of Thrones and weddings… They just are never good combinations!


Let’s start in Braavos, where Arya continues to clean the dark, dirty floors and the pale, dead bodies in the House of Black and White. She is frustrated by her lack of progress and her miserly coworker frenemy isn’t very nice. She figures out she must learn to lie in order to become “no one.” Jaqen H’ghar sees through her lies easily, hitting her with a stick each time he catches her. Talk about aversion therapy! (He calls her out on a lie about hating the Hound. Aw!).

Anyways, later a man brings in his sick daughter and Arya comforts and lies to the girl, getting her to drink from the fountain of death. This move warrants Arya’s level up and entrance to the mysterious room where all the dead bodies are taken. It’s not just a room, though. It’s a massive hall, the walls plastered with the many faces of the dead. This is the storeroom of the Faceless Men. Jaqen tells her she is not ready to become “no one” yet, but she is ready to become someone else… Oooh, intriguing!

Jorah&TyrionDown in the south of Essos, Jorah, hiding his grey scale infection, and Tyrion get to know each other a bit more. Tyrion reveals the news of Jorah’s father death (Lord Commander Mormont back in Season 3!) to Jorah and it is very sad. Poor Jorah! His sadness is interrupted by a crew of pirates, who quickly take them prisoner. The pirate captain wants to kill Tyrion for his “magical dwarf cock.” Is that a thing? Well, Tyrion manages to convince them not to kill him and also that Jorah is a prized, well-known fighter. So, he manages to live and buy himself and Jorah passage to the Mereen fighting pits, where Queen Dany awaits! My favorite Tyrion is a witty, bargaining Tyrion, so this was fun!

TrystaneThe time for action has arrived in Dorne! It all feels a bit rushed, but still exciting, nevertheless. Young Trystane Martell and young Myrcella Baratheon are happily in love, even despite the fact that they are in an arranged marriage and their families hate each other! But, all this is soon to be broken apart because Jaime and Bronn, in new Dornish disguises, and the Sand Snakes are on their way!

ObaraJaime and Bronn get to Myrcella first. Jaime tries to convince Myrcella to come talk with him, but she and Trystane are suspicious. They are immediately interrupted by the knife-wielding, spear-wielding, whip-wielding Sand Snakes and a mini, rushed fight ensues. All of it is broken up by Areo Hotah, the Prince of Dorne’s guard. That was easy! The Sand Snakes were supposed to be this wild card threat, but they were easily defeated, as were Jaime and Bronn. Great plan, you guys! Ellaria is also arrested as she hides in a shadowy cave. The great Myrcella kidnapping plan has been foiled. What’s next?

AreoKing’s Landing, the city so full of crap, Lady Olenna Tyrell can smell it from miles outside the city. I love her and am glad she is back! Also back in King’s Landing? Littlefinger. That man travels fast. After a brief encounter with crazed Lancel Lannister, he meets with Queen Mother, Cersei. She still has no idea he was behind Joffrey’s murder or Sansa’s escape. Littlefinger is either a master at his craft or Cersei is just that incompetent! Regardless, he tells her about Sansa and the Boltons and Cersei seethes with rage. He then offers, as head of the Vale, to send his knights up to Winterfell after the Stannis/Bolton battle to take Winterfell back from the victor. But why and what does he want in return? To be named Warden of the North. Aha! Dang, Littlefinger is good. Cersei just wants Sansa’s head on a spike. She needs some anger management therapy, fo realz.

OlennaLady Olenna comes to pay Cersei a visit next. This is one of my favorite scenes of this episode. We’ve never really seen Cersei deal with Lady Olenna. Both are strong, powerful women and Cersei still has no idea Lady Olenna put the poison in her son’s wine cup. Olenna wants to know why Cersei is doing this to Loras and Cersei continues to maintain her innocence. Olenna sees right through that and wonders why she would risk the Lannister/Tyrell alliance over this.

Later, there is an “inquest” held for Loras by the High Sparrow. Loras maintains his innocence, denying all charges brought against him. Okay, great. All is good. Then, the High Sparrow wants to question Queen Margaery, who repeats her famous line, “I’m THE Queen,” but she complies, also denying all of the charges against Loras and denying she’s ever seen him with a man. Cut to: Olyvar, the man Loras was sleeping with in the first episode of the season, coming in and admitting everything. Cersei throws in a comment of fake outrage. LOL. Olyvar’s proof of his relationship with Loras is an intimate birthmark Loras has on his upper thigh. VERDICT DECIDED. The High Sparrow has Loras AND Margaery arrested awaiting an actual trial. Cersei: 1, Tyrells: 0. Meanwhile, King Tommen watches and does nothing!

MargUp in Winterfell, our beloved Darth Sansa is once again subjected to awful, terrible things. Firstly, she gets a bath with the help of Myranda, who is the worst. She tries to scare Sansa with horror stories about Ramsay. Sansa isn’t backing down though, telling Myranda that she is Sansa Stark and Winterfell is her home. Also, GET OUT. That’s the Sansa we all want to see. The bath also washes out her hair dye, so she is now back to infamous auburn hair. Things are looking up…

But, as we all know, when you are happy about a character, something bad surely is coming. This time: Sansa’s wedding to Ramsay Bolton. It is a beautiful, snowy affair, but that’s about it. Sansa refuses to let Theon touch her (and rightfully so). But she does it. She marries Ramsay. Lord, help us all. After the ceremony, Ramsay, Sansa, and Theon go to the bedroom where the true horror begins. This scene is certainly going to be controversial. Though it does happen in the books (but not with Sansa!), it’s still not easy to stomach. Ramsay orders Sansa undress and makes Theon watch. Then he proceeds to have his way with a crying Sansa. Yikes! It was uncomfortable and terrible to watch. Poor Sansa has been through so much that it just seems so unfair to have this happen to her as well. UGH. But, this is Game of Thrones. Ramsay himself says earlier in the show “If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.” Here’s hoping Sansa truly becomes the hero of revenge and takes down Ramsay, all of the Boltons, and the world!

I know you guys are all going to have conflicting opinions, but just know, this is a show. It is not real and television can go to bad, uncomfortable places. I don’t know why or what the reasoning is, but that’s what happened. I’m interested to hear what others think of the Sansa/Ramsay ending? Let me know in the comments below. It certainly was an overall intriguing hour of television and I am still a fan, waiting for more to come. Until next week…

New episodes of Game of Thrones air on Sunday at 9/8c on HBO. – See more at: http://www.whedonopolis.com/game-of-thrones-5-05-kill-the-boy/#sthash.6FV9Ias6.dpuf